Author: Pamala Clift

The Puzzle of Life

On By Pamala CliftIn Philosopher comments on RealityLeave a comment

I think that goes there…?

For some strange reason I had a desire to assemble a puzzle. 

All I could think about as I was setting it out was how much this is a metaphor for life.

This was a used puzzle I checked out, so there is the nagging thought that maybe all the pieces are not there. Don’t you wonder if you have all the pieces in life?

So you start out with the frame of the puzzle. Just like life, you try to scope out what is expected of you in the culture in which you are born. How much of the table top will it cover?

The frame is built slowly with straight edges given to you by your culture, parents, school and religion. Here is where you are suppose to stay in the lines to complete your picture of life.

With a boxed puzzle you get to look at the picture on the top to try and make some correlation for all those scrambled little pieces, however, in life no one really knows what the puzzle will look like. So you start matching color swatches and strange markings that might stir up the wonder in your mind. What could I do if I put this piece here? Does this fit? Maybe this?

How many people have tried to put a puzzle together not knowing what it is suppose to be? It is very hard even with the picture on the box. So the puzzle reactions of life get the very same confused response. Some get frustrated because they don’t KNOW what it is suppose to be so stop with the frame. Some try to make it the picture in their head and will cram pieces together that everyone else can plainly see do not go together. 

We can be frustrated and try to put the pieces together spending hours, days, years constructing a picture depicted by an outside entity, working to fill the life expectations of others OR… we can paint our own picture and discard the frustration that goes on around us as others try to be something they are not.

We have to live in this construct but we don’t have to let it affect us. We don’t have to buy into the false absolutes handed by others. If we are ever going to change the things wrong in society someone somewhere outside of the frame is going to have to change things. 

It is lonely outside the frame, but you can see things out here. Maybe help repaint the picture to something that works? 

At the end of your life what will be said about you and the puzzle you constructed from all those little parts? Will they say you stayed in the lines and did everything everyone expected from you, or will they say you created your own puzzle?

You have to be true to yourself, explore your possibilities and follow those puzzle pieces offered you in life that cause you wonder. That is your journey and what needs to be fully explored. So you can have sung at your funeral, “I did it MY Way.”

There is beauty in every soul that is true to that still small voice. Find your voice and rejoice in the uniqueness that is you. 

Hugs, Pam (The Roadside Philosopher)

Are you of Less value if your alone?

On By Pamala CliftIn Interpersonal Relationships, Society, UncategorizedLeave a comment

A Light undiscovered?

It is interesting this holiday season how many sad comments I am getting about the fact that I am no longer partnered. That means I am physically in my abode by myself. “OMG how horrid for you during the holidays?”

Trying to explain my feelings seem to be irrelevant.

Being alone is the natural state of being. We are all alone in our mind. No one invades or truly knows who we are but us.

Whether you interact in a group or not you are still inside your mind seperate. Even in a crowd you are alone. How many suffer going through the motions of doing what everyone else expects as normal interactions because it is perceived as the only option? Is that you? Or is that the ritual you go through to block out your own thoughts?

I often think of crowds of family and friends as “television,” just background noise to our existence.  Sometimes interactions are the pinochle of life’s existence as you are enlightened and share something internally important. Those times are rare and wonderful, soul to soul communication, and certainly do not always coincide with large groups of people or holidays.

Face to face communication is perceived as the ONLY real interaction, Really? I drove an hour in traffic to get to a face to face meeting of a new Meetup group in downtown Orlando labeled as technology and education, which as you know is my particular interest. The meet up was 5 guys at a bar. I stayed an hour and found a few things in common but left shortly and drove the hour back. Then I logged online with a Google Hangout and had an absolutely stimulating engagement with several different minds across the world that made my slide into sleep quite fulfilled with new perspectives.

Saying that nothing is of value without physical face to face means you have never been enlighten by a particularly moving piece of music? a book? an email? a phone call? or an online communication?

I watch in the middle of December the sprouting of my newly planted seeds of spinach and lettuce with great delight. Nature is still responding with more than I am giving it. I am blessed! 

I have a vision that I am working toward, a goal… a purpose in life that I think adds value not only to myself with the journey, but for others as well. Whether it comes to fruition or not is irrelevant. I have a story and a plot in my life.

At the time of my parting this biological avatar I will be alone. No one can take that last journey with you. It is only my thoughts I will be examining upon exit. If I have never been alone with them before because I spent my time covering them with loud background noises of others, I expect it would be quite a shock and empty. Will you have fulfilled your purpose in life? Have you identified who YOU are?

When I talk to people I listen carefully for where their values lay and the breakdown is pretty much like Eleanor Roosevelt broke it down in her quote. “Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.”

Those who gossip and find their energy bringing down others are only interested on climbing over bodies and contribute nothing. Those who spend their time observing the world events to make comments that entail no action can be replaced with a good news program. So the only ones that feed society are those that deal with new spins on thoughts and take action to help move them forward. Who are these people? They are the ones that have spent time examining their thoughts and others, so they have had to have turned down the background noise and been alone!

Being Alone is absolutely necessary to bring a person to fruition. It is not only of value, it is essential. If you find yourself alone and morning that no one is there to share with, keep that time short, then turn around and get to know that person that never leaves…YOU!

Amazing how wonderful life is when you live in your own skin and think your own thoughts. Life is good if you have that freedom and have spent the time to like yourself. 

However you envision the Divine, it is your responsibility to get to know how you can interact with it. Whether you think of it as your totem animal, the universe, God or a golden monkey there is that spark that says there is more to know and you have to find a path toward that.

Be not Afraid!

We all travel this journey alone, Together!

Hugs, Pam (The Roadside Philosopher)

What is Reality?

On By Pamala CliftIn Philosopher comments on Reality, UncategorizedLeave a comment

Don Quixote inside or out?

I gave for the first time the new presentation, “The Illusions We Live” just this last week. It was a rough delivery, but there was something of importance being brought together both in my mind and those that listened.

So what I want to talk about in this blog is again the perspective of reality with the fictional component of Don Quixote.

Don Quixote is an old coot of a character that sees evil and good through his own mental eyes. Most see him as a crazy delusional old man, but the value of the person was NOT what was viewed from outside. It was knowing what the vision and the trials of the man were from the inside. 

The glory of Don Quixote was staying true to that vision all the way up to the end. That was a inspiring man, with a noble cause even if we can not follow it or fully understand his reality. Somehow we respect the passion and the high ethical pursuit of the man to the point of striking awe within us.

We all see windmills that call out to our hearts, but waiver when others do not see what we see. We must be wrong?

Not a single sense, hearing, taste, visual, tactile, smell can not be easily fooled. There are tons of scientific research papers that successfully prove how unreliable our senses are. Yet there are those that claim if they can’t sense it, things are not real? 

If you realize that your vision of reality is not universally shared by others and all senses from this biological or pixelated avatar can be fooled…What do you believe in?

Reality is where you focus. If your inside says “Save the Trees” Than that is the vision you should pursue. If it says you “Must Seek the Force” than that is the direction your journey should take. Does it matter that others do not understand and can not see? No! What matters is you and how you interact with the universe. Are you being responsible to the calling that is your personal adventure in this life?

Where is the courage? Why is everything corruptible due to money? Who made money the true point system in this game of life?

Your illusions have value, whether you are locked in prison or on the street you can spin the story that nobly places you working toward your goals. Be true to the small voice inside and enjoy the adventure that is your life.

Hugs, Pam (The Roadside Philosopher)

Selling the Dream is Reality!

On By Pamala CliftIn Business, SocietyLeave a comment

Well if it Makes Money…

I am often criticized for not living in reality. Yet I cannot seem to observe anything in reality that does not base itself in fiction?

I am currently in the market for two things. One is for a new love in my life, but that will have to wait till I land …Two: a position to fund my passion.

I watch and I observe the way jobs are presented. One of the big red flags is if they present the Frame before the picture. What I mean about that is if they talk about your income first before they talk about what you will do for that income. They have a check list of buy-ins that get you closer and closer, but know if they told you up front what you would have to do to get that money, you would walk away. So they sell you the dream.

The first time I consciously remember that construct I was young and answered a dream of acting in a movie. If your talented, good looking and can act you can make… XXX dollars an hour. Yep you got it. It was XXX rated movies. I kept buying into their dream and step by step they added little hiccups I could rationalize around. Fortunately for me I had a boyfriend with me that wasn’t going to have any of it and I was dismissed from the presentation.

You would think that sort of thing would only work on the young and gullible but I almost bought into the same construct just yesterday. The company started with the dream. Work at home and make $45 to 70 thousand dollars a year. We are a company that gives back to society, examples: Toys for tots, local charities…etc etc. We are fast paced growing company and you can move up. We all start in the company at the same place. We do excellent software and you can help people.

They are marketed as a place that gets you a job within 30 days. You would be a career specialist helping people find their correct match for work. Wow, that sounds awesome, getting paid for helping people. 

Is that where they make their money? NO! They make their money giving referrals to educational institutions that need leads. Which educational institutions need the leads? Which ones will pay most for those leads? Yep, the ones that are not valid. If it is a good school with a good track record people are beating down the door for the certifications and degrees.

I sort of got it when I asked directly…”Do you take data on the schools so you know which ones are going to work out for the people?” I was thinking this is still awesome, helping people find the steps to get to the place they would like.

His answer, “NO!”. Then he said something totally ridiculous. “It’s illegal.”

What? It is illegal to gather data on an institution you are referring your clients to? He also quoted ancient statistics about how much more money a person with a degree will make over high school. So it has taken me a few hours to put the pieces together. I still so much wanted to believe the dream. 

They make their money drawing on people in need of employment, with a sympathizing voice and pretend caring so they can get the referral money from the educational institution that needs to fill it’s seats to validate their construct. And who will pay the most for that? The educational institutions that don’t work! So you make money by selling the dream of progress over REAL progress…sigh. 

I really had such high hopes for the stated goal. It could actually be an awesome societal changing platform. They could validate the education with jobs. If there was not an institution that was adequate they could charge and create their own construct and charge with accuracy what is known to be needed in the market place.

Will I tell you the name of this fast growing company?…sure if you email me. They have far more money selling the dream than reality and I can’t afford a lawsuit.

So I will continue looking, but do not tell me…stick to reality. Reality does not sell, only the FRONT of reality sells. The real reality is the dream.

Enjoy the journey. Hugs, Pam (The Roadside Philosopher)

Who Am I?

On By Pamala CliftIn Interpersonal Relationships, Philosopher comments on RealityLeave a comment

The Eternal Question!

We are pummeled back and forth with expectations and cultural and ethical guidelines, but in these constructs do we find who we are? Or do we just create an acceptable facade? 

How many voices are in our heads? How many rule books do we have to play to? When do we sift those things that don’t work for us into an acceptable vision of who we really are?

I role play in life. I was a Mom because some wonderful little human beings came out of my body. I was a clown because I felt I needed a life with smiles. I was a military airman in law enforcement because I had always grown up around the military and men. I could go on listing roles I have played, but which ones were me? Each carried a component of me, but all drastically different and each had parts I did not like.

In virtual worlds we role play as well. To dig into our many facets of self the virtual world is a much faster venue than real life experiences to bounce off any newly created vision of ourselves. We make more mistakes faster online. What do we like? What does not hit our unique personality music?

The job now is just like Michelangelo said when he looked at a piece of marble. You are somewhere in that rock of a life, now chip away the things that are NOT you one at a time to see a clear vision and beauty of the composite of you. 

The hardest part is throwing things away. Saying No to those expectations that you are doing because of some external pressure that is not the person you truly would like to be.

I think this society needs a class on saying, “NO. Sorry that doesn’t work for me.” We might actually as a culture begin to see true value?

So what have you said NO to today? Which chip of marble did you cut off to get closer to you?

Enjoy the Journey.

Hugs, Pam (The Roadside Philosopher)

The Pain was So Bad,

On By Pamala CliftIn Interpersonal RelationshipsLeave a comment

…How can I love again?

Having a breakup can put you in the gun-shy group, where you live and relive what things SHOULD have been, and question what went wrong.

Then when you meet someone else you hold up the same things that were pleasant in the previous relationship and now see them leading you down the path of destruction. All pleasant things are now seen bad.

How can you get pass that and let yourself love again?

Yep, it was hard. Yep, your friends are really really tired of hearing your tale of woe and how it should have been, or how your ex is re-spinning the story that was the two of you into something it was never, just so they can justify themselves and their reactions.

There is only one way to get back into the game. You need to Forgive in Advance! Everyone is only human. We all spin the story of how we would like to be perceived, but if the story is only an ideal and falls apart and they realize they failed, they will push you away. They are in love with the story line that was the two of you, but no longer can keep up with the part they thought they could be.

Since life is full of hiccups and failed attempts, the only way to survive is to know that it will have difficulties and your story will never be perfect.

I have started dating again. God help me.. rofl. I let myself love, fully and childlike. I had a great time for as long as the mini-story lasted. Then the drama happened, the inconsistencies started and the vision that was painted initially fell to the way side and the dark side came out.

People had seen us. I am going to be perceived as having failed. What will my friends think? All these things can go through your mind as you examine what happened, but it is quickly removed when you have “Forgiven in Advance”. 

It is all ok. You are ok. Puzzle pieces match or they don’t, that doesn’t mean that the puzzle piece has no value, just that it doesn’t fit here.

If we have forgiven in advance that trials are absolutely going to happen, then we are no longer surprised. You have thrown down pillows to protect yourself from the fall.

Love is still a wonderful feeling and story line. We all wish to embrace the “Happily Ever After” fairy tale, but that really doesn’t exist. We have to carve out our own little messy story of love and there will be trials, but we live for the journey, not the destination, so enjoy your explorations.

Love & Forgive, both yourself and others. Best of Luck with your contacts and bounce backs.

Hugs, Pam (The Roadside Philosopher)

Digital Mistress

On By Pamala CliftIn Interpersonal Relationships, SocietyLeave a comment

Is that Cheating?

A virtual exercise partner in the horizontal mamba, or in other words, a digital mistress is becoming more and more prevalent.

Men need female support and those tantalizing comments that awaken the testosterone components that keep them driving forward. Some naughty words that make them smile and gives them drive.  

The woman that understands that they have needs becomes valuable. That naughty little comment between meetings, or the photo of a body part is like a vitamin B shot for men. (Hence, here comes the digital mistress.) Men have lost a good portion of that support from the in-depth relationship that use to be considered the norm.

According to the NYT the US government census says married couples are no longer the majority. The majority of us are single.

Men are no longer the only bread winners, they no longer can keep women sheltered and compulsively tied to a relationship because there is no other economical way out and so women are leaving relationships. 

So what we have are men that couldn’t understand the woman that they married desires, or their women didn’t care about their man’s needs, looking for that shot of adrenaline in the quickest way possible.

Women want to be needed but can’t take the rest of the components of male, but still enjoy the story line and fantasy of being desired. I hear all the time from women that are considering relationships with other women just to get away from the single-minded hedonistic component of the normal “being a guy”.

How is this going to break down for society? 

We see now that porn is widespread and that texting seems to have taken over face-to-face communications. If our input and exchanges continue in this direction men will never understand females and their emotional needs, they will get their fix, virtually.

Women see the base need for sex as secondary. Men see it as primary. If men can get their primary need satisfied why take on all the components of a long term relationship? The horrors of having to learn to be gentle and tolerant of the emotional confusion estrogen inflicts on women?

In this economically low point of the world, porn still brings in the money.

In this economically low point of the world, porn still brings in the money.

 The superficiality of male and female relationships is turning into the same problem as fast food; we are all going to get soft on the skills that have meaning. Less people can cook for themselves, the need to be able to put together a balanced meal has gone to the side and we are getting unhealthy and fat. Will our relationships just turn into that same lazy component?

Is there a way to reach a balance before it totally gets away from us?

What do you think?

Hugs, Pam (The Roadside Philosopher)

Flip Side of Immersive Extremes

On By Pamala CliftIn Interpersonal RelationshipsLeave a comment

… Are You Too engaged?

I have written often on the Engagement Level called Disassociative and how they can be perceived as the bad guys, and i have talked about Immersion as good for education and for those socially isolated but…

It is not like immersion doesn’t come with risks, not only for your own heart, but immersion to the extreme is dangerous even for others.

This article was brought to my attention. click here  

It is about a Second Life gaming couple with a young child who were so immersed in the validation of their virtual life that Real Life obligations were considered interruptions and detested, so much so they starved their child near death and they still didn’t care.  

This is because what brought them satisfaction was the validation of themselves in a fun positive way vs the failures real life had left them due to looks, lack of intellect, handicap or opportunities.

How do you fix something like this? You can’t fix opportunities for everyone, or handicaps. Could we put time limits on known immersives to help them balance?

Immersion and balance is the hardest of combinations but balance is the goal. To live in a virtual world gives you freedoms the biological may never know, but the biological avatar needs substance.

With technology leaping forward exponentially and the titillating new things that are coming out to stimulate, this problem is only going to get worse, not better. We need to start really thinking about limitations for all of us.

The intelligent are certainly not immune to technology overdosing, and our children are blinded and without teachers to learn any technological balance.

Here is one brilliant persons framing attempt that seems to have promise.click here 

Here are some other suggestions.

  • Get out of the house at least once a week for something fun in-real.
  • Mix your calendar with both Real and Virtual events and try to make the actual hours balance. If you don’t have a full time job, make laundry, house cleaning, music listening part of the appointments in your calendar.
  • Eat AWAY from your virtual interactions. In other words, actually come out and say, “I have to go to dinner now.” not just brb as you grab junk food.
  • Find one topic of interest that requires you to spend time away for research or skill development. (Play an instrument, create a scrapbook of virtual pictures…anything that removes the screen burn out from your eyeballs… lol)

If you find that you cannot talk to real people without interjecting your virtual experiences, you should question your balance…OR take my job.

Enjoy the journey. Hugs, Pam

Love Online or Horror Movie?

On By Pamala CliftIn Interpersonal RelationshipsLeave a comment

Now that I’m on a few dating sites, I’m afraid I’m analyzing everything said to me. This is/is-not a good profession to be in if you are considering really looking. *smile*

Is the person talking to me the person represented online? Or an imagined preconceived scripted person of their hearts desire? What hidden agenda is really going on.

One first contact with a guy insisted that you better have sex on the first date or there would be no second date. 

Yep, you guessed it. There was no FIRST date. That really isn’t a hidden agenda and easy to dismiss even when he thought harassment and name calling would make him a more desirable contact? lol 

Then I hear stories shared with me that a guy adopts another person’s identity so much so that they pass a detective investigation. That poor gal got a child out of the deal.  I can only imagine the horrors she felt with such a long term premeditated deception continually haunting her.

You get those who instantly want you to share your phone number. NOT a good idea. 

Oh? And is there something special about Yahoo Messenger for the foreigners? Seems everyone who is not what they claim are from a foreign country and wants to talk to you on Yahoo.

If the profile you see has fluid English writing but the text message is full of errors and awkward sentences, there is your answer. 

I asked one guy who wanted me to talk with him on Yahoo, if he had Skype? NO….

“Ok, Do you have a Facebook page?” No to that too. 

So what do you do? Well he works for this company and travels the world selling precious metals. “OK, what is your company’s website?” There isn’t any. 

“…and you have no picture up on this site why?” 

Well I am new on computers I don’t know how to do it, but if you will go to Yahoo I can send you a picture.”

Ok, doesn’t know internet, Skype, Facebook, or have any external validation whatsoever but is familiar enough with computers to do Yahoo and when I pointed out his lack of believe-ability he used the internet acronym of “brb”. That’s when I laughed out loud and disconnected. I suppose he had to ask the advice of his supervisor?

These can be the easy to dismiss ones if you’re not in NEEDY mode, but it is extremely hard for those desperately seeking companionship to not keep hoping and taking the bait.

This is one of the reasons that I think virtual world dating is a far more stable platform. It allows engagement and interaction and at least enough time for sifting of realities to occur.

However, if you are in desperate mode, one medium will under mind you as well as another.

So my constant, most unwavering response to everyone is. “Be happy with yourself alone, before you seek to connect with another.”  But since this is the month of Hallows Eve… if you really want the “SH_T” scared out of you, don’t go to the movies, head to an online dating site. *smile

Enjoy the journey, Hugs… Pam

Over Easy with Opinions

On By Pamala CliftIn Interpersonal Relationships, SocietyLeave a comment

With the different types of engagers (immersives and disassociatives) it is sometimes hard to present your opinions. Do you address your comments to those who like the extremes for a giggle, or present a level more boring presentation.

In marketing, apparently the advice is to “Make IT Memorable” in whatever way you can…good or bad. Just be known! They would have you strip and do something “OMG” memorable to get attention, which would allow you coverage in newspapers, magazines, radio and tv to get your true point across. Believe me sometimes I do ponder about doing just that. (Not the strip part, but something? *smile*)

I have a hard time not taking it as a personal affront when someone online is hurt and has never had a chance to view the State of Being construct. How can I get this available? The construct seems to help throw a few pillows down for the falls from extremes presented and experienced online, but not fast enough? We are way too digitized.

When you express your opinions, online or off, a constructive pre-thought would be “Am I talking to an immersive?” Will they take your comment to heart? 

I am the last one to claim I never put my foot in my mouth. I am happy to share with you my thoughts and even debate your perceptions in an engaging dialog… but if I am talking to an immersive who sees their opinions as a component of themselves, then the point “I” thought I was debating is not just “the point of the discussion” it is their arm, leg, or vital body organ. Their identity of “who they are” is directly under attack with the challenge of the thought they presented. 

This happens in real life or virtual life. This happens with love, business and education. 

Sometimes I just don’t care that you think you are all that and a bag of chips or you have money, or degrees; if what you say does not make functional sense, I will debate it. That has gotten me into lots of trouble with those self-appointed Gods that claim to be over-me in some capacity, so I am lecturing myself here as well and I could use some input.

How do you disengage from an immersive who feels they are personally under attack with the challenge of an idea? They are in defensive mode. They will not be happy till you agree with them or give them an out. They do not care if they are right or wrong only that the opinion they have expressed,(which they have taken so solidly that it IS a vital organ) be seen as valid. If their point is not conceded, you will be the enemy.

I have a flipping hard time lying. I would much rather be told up front exactly how it is perceived so I can evaluate it fairly but that is not normal apparently?

So my current form of attack on this matter is: Figure out if they are immersive with their thoughts. Stop and consider that first, before you express your opinions. Sometimes that might mean testing the waters with an “over-easy” version?