Category: Uncategorized

Stuck in Online Love?

On By Pamala CliftIn Interpersonal Relationships, UncategorizedLeave a comment

Virtual relationships can be excellent support. They can also be invigorating, intriguing, feed our creativity, and put a spring in our step.

However, when your heart is so involved with your love online that you can not extract your feelings for real life engagements, it can feel like prison.

You are a prisoner of a love that doesn’t seem plausible that it will ever come to fruition. You can’t move forward with your life and you can’t live just online, so what can you do?

It is simple for others to say, “Well forget him/her and move on.” but it isn’t that cut & dried. You owe a lot to your support and love relationship. Your heart doesn’t want to lose that solid connection.

So I am going to give you HORRIBLE advice from the guru standpoint, which says, “Be one and whole”. 

You are on a teeter totter of realities. Your heart is in virtual and you exist in the physical world which HAS to have things taken care of like eating, showering, making a living and laundry.

So you Split your stories. Instead of having virtual be ALL your reality for your heart, you start another story, persona, personal exchange and compartmentalize your virtual love to a strict timed allotment. Your chore is to put step by step more weight on the teeter totter leaning toward your real life explorations of love. 

Tell your virtual love of your decision and what steps you have decided to take. If they really love you and they can not join you in real life, then they should understand that you still love them but can’t stay solo in virtual. 

If they don’t understand in time(say a week), you have hooked yourself a drama king/queen and you will have to do a complete severance, since you can’t be made to feel guilty for having a physical life.

What can I tell you? It will be painful for both if a complete severance is needed but usually the pain dies down in about two weeks if you focus on something else.

If your online loved one, does truly love you and wishes for your happiness then they might be your greatest source of “gender translation” as they explain the stories you choose to share with them about your biological pursuits.

“Stuck” is a word that only you can change in your mind. You are far more free than you think. You create your reality and if you are not happy with it in either the digital or physical world, it does not make sense to keep doing the same thing.

The journey is yours to pursue. Think about your direction and go forward consciously not compulsively.

Hugs, Pam

The Secret to Happiness… Physical or Virtual?

On By Pamala CliftIn Interpersonal Relationships, Philosopher comments on Reality, Society, UncategorizedLeave a comment

I have been examining what makes people happy, and I have come to a few conclusions.

  1. They have a goal they are working toward.
  2. They have and/or desire these thing
  • a loyalty
  • b. love
  • c. courage
  • d. determination
  • e. appreciation
  • f. beauty 
  • g. creativity (observing or creating)
  • h. forgiveness 
  • g. honesty ..etc.
  • f. a place to fit in

Most of these nouns can be used as verbs as well. “I love you.” Love being the action. or “Love is wonderful.” Love being the noun and subject.

All that is fine if you are into epistemology but that doesn’t solve anything really.

What stood out most is that none of the things, that makes a person really happy has a physical component! None of them can be touched! 

Touch can be a component of love, but it isn’t love. Physical stuff can be a small part of happiness, but even with everything-under-the-sun owned, without those intangibles, a person is not happy.

So that leads me to the off-handed conclusion that we are NOT of this physical plane. This physical plane is not what brings us joy. We have happiness from the intangibles! 

So if this physical plane was say a computer game, money were points where you got to buy things IN THE GAME…you can win the game but still not have accomplished anything toward what you desire, which is to be happy. The game is a distraction while you seek the things that are truly valuable.

Maybe we are also intangible beings, however you wish to describe that…(spirit, interdimensional beings, pure energy, intellect, consciousness), but obviously not materialists. 

Playing and focusing ON THE GAME of this world will actually deny you the opportunities to find what will make you happy. 

Following someone elses rules is also a dead end to happiness. If you feel that you are not good because you didn’t do what someone else says, (organization, political party, religion) told you to do, even if it doesn’t fit with your situation, you will not be happy.

So many unjust things have happened because someone followed what someone else told them to do. Then they were forced to struggle with the internal conflicts of what they desired and thought was right and what others demanded of them.

Taking ownership of your own thoughts, your own actions, and your own consequences will relieve you of those conflicts. Being-you honestly, will free you to be happy. 

Following someone elses pathway will always be uncomfortable. I don’t know about you, but I hate the thought of being a cookie-cutter drone.

For any that have traveled third world nations you will recognize some truly happy people who have nothing. Why are they happy? Why do they play, and laugh so freely? It is because they have the intangibles!

Notice the sky, the air, water, plants, animals of this planet. The greatest joy can be the wonder of exploring. Even if a person sits on their doorstep and watches the world, the ants at their feet, the sun cross the sky, the opportunity for wonder abounds. Wonder inspires happiness. Gratitude is happiness. 

So many opportunities to be happy are ignored for the game. When will you take back your opportunity to be happy. 🙂

Hugs, Pam

Less is More

On By Pamala CliftIn Business, Insight Blog, Philosopher comments on Reality, UncategorizedLeave a comment

…more red tape

Marketing has always spoon fed us the notion that MORE=Happy. 

We figure if we have more food, a larger pool, a bigger house, more money, more friends that THAT will mean we are happy!

It takes a long time to reach the glutenous conclusion that “More” does not make one happy.

We have a government that figures MORE laws, MORE forms, MORE requirements will make things run smoother, but it doesn’t. More red tape helps no one. MORE is not the answer…less is! Wouldn’t it be lovely if all the laws were reduced to the Hippocratic Oath? “Do No Harm.” 

I have watched those that have it all, flounder, rot and die of boredom. The only thing that keeps them afloat is changing and starting over, because starting is exciting. We live to try things anew, to start new stories. A bit of danger and the insecurity of NOT knowing everything is safe produces endorphins that lift us out of ourselves and we strive to do the impossible. That is called living, whether we succeed or fail we have a story worth telling.

As you examine demographics of the baby boomers, you can watch the generation go through almost child-psychology-like steps.

  1. Everything is exciting and an adventure. (our childhood)
  2. What you tell me is not necessarily so, I will find my own truth. (hippies-teenagers)
  3. Well, I can do it better than you. (start families and/or careers)
  4. So I am successful if I have things? OK I will get MORE. I want to WIN! (cut throat “I” mentality)
  5. Deterioration of the dream, divorce, job loss, mid-life crisis, age related illness. (Awakening to the illusion 40-50s)
  6. What has been told me is not necessarily so. What actually makes me happy? (60)+
  7. Everything is exciting. To watch a new day dawn, a movement in the morning, the little things like a call or a card become extremely valuable…it is conscious thought that is valued. (70+ and maybe a good movement. lol)

So there you have life. The graph can be laid out on top of every generation as we start, beat ourselves up to play our cultures dictated game, give up and appreciate what we had from the beginning.

I am on the downhill side of this bell curve and watch others doing what I have done. Downsize which means, less to move, less to insure, less to lock up, less to look for things you have misplaced, less paperwork.

Your assignment is to look past your culture’s dictated game of life and create what makes you happy, taking the consequences and the lack of safety as part of your adventure. 

The only way that you will find your happiness is by first appreciating every little component around you. If where you focus IS reality, which is my premise throughout this blog, you will be far happier if you can focus on what a generation of experience starts and comes back to…its the little things that are of value.

Enjoy the journey by creating it yourself.

Hugs, Pam

Project Manage YOUR Life

On By Pamala CliftIn Business, Insight Blog, Philosopher comments on Reality, UncategorizedLeave a comment

…and the graph says?

I meet a lot of Agile and Project Management professionals, but rarely do they think to take their business management expertise and apply it to their own life.

People seem to just be flotsom (material or refuse floating on water). Wherever the wave or current takes them they deal with it as if they have no control.

No one thinks. The day is filled with noise and demands from outside. They keep “background noise” going on all the time so they don’t have to examine their own thoughts? Why is that? One of my favorite sayings is: It takes a pretty good person to be alone and find themselves in good company!

What a tragedy to come to the end of ones life having never known who you are? …or spent time on the the things that mattered most to you.

So lets take steps to fix that. In Agile/Scrum the Product Owner makes user stories for the team to solve a situation with a program. Like, “We need to create a table with all the customer’s past orders; so the customer can reference them for future purchases.”

So lets make YOU the customer. First what is it you want? Most people don’t know what they want because they have never THOUGHT about it. They just dream of it being all handed to them in the lottery or something.

So the first step is communication with the customer…You! Set aside time alone with no distractions and talk with yourself. It could be out loud or in your head. You could write yourself a letter or video tape your thoughts for later play back.

Remember to take in SCOPE, RESOURCES and a TIME frame. You need the user story to have a conceivable conclusion date. Example: “Walk 30 min. a day on Johnson pathway, until I can get into my black jeans.” That user story terminates when you successfully get into your black jeans. 

Now if you’re a size 24 and your jeans are 8, that is a timeframe and scope doomed to fail. Make your user stories no more than 3 month personal sprints. In business it is two weeks, which would be more toward the ideal. We all need to have successes. It leads to more confidence and comfort when taking the next sprint.

“I want world peace.” is not a desire that is within your power, nor something that you will eventually be able to check off. So that is not a good user story.

Start with three things that you want. 

Say you want a new job. Well if you make that your user story, you’re doomed. These need to be action steps that can be checked off and fully within your power, so the user story would be more appropriately stated this way. “I will rewrite my resume and submit it to three positions I desire before the end of the month, so that I can feel satisfied I am working toward a better life.”

No one can guarantee success outside of your efforts, but your efforts should be stated in a way you will be able to feel success.

Life is a journey and persistence says you have never failed till you quit. If nothing changes and you don’t get a new job. You can create a new user story that says, “I am going to join the Rotary Club and make 3 new contacts so I can start networking toward a better job.”

There is no failure. There are just steps toward success, some are backwards, around mountains, underwater, and delayed but the maze of reality is an adventure to be enjoyed.

Find out who you are and then make this exercise of breathing-in-&-out one that delights you every morning.

What a wonderful journey. Hugs, Pam

Information Credibility vs State of Being

On By Pamala CliftIn Education, Philosopher comments on Reality, Society, UncategorizedLeave a comment

What is true?

Since I am constantly examining “What is Real?” in the digital environment I have to explore tons of websites that claim credibility.

By what credentials does a website become valid? If I was Google I most likely would go by the USA standard culture of what is right and wrong. That would mean science and data from academia, government sites and traditional medicine would be higher rated…BUT.

I have worked in government and academia and they truly don’t know any more than the man on the street often times. Someone, somewhere collects data from imperfect sources (usually a survey from some regular people) and instantly THAT becomes the final word. Rarely is that data traced back to its source or method. That means that a question asking you to select A or B, or rate something will likely not fit exactly your experience, but that doesn’t matter. Once you have made a selection “Numbers are GOD”. 

Nobody has real access to everyone, even Google. They can access what you choose to say, view and engage with online, but not everyone puts their true thoughts online, many have a facade.

The “State of Being” lecture, which is the volume control of engagement shows that not always do we interact at the same volume. Sometimes we engage disassociatively just for entertainment, sometimes we are grasping at what validates our perspective immersively, and finally we are using our judgement mode to augmentatively add selectively to our frame of reference. All of these modes will vary with the moon, hormones or life experiences.

I worked at a research facility one time on air quality and was accumulating data by a strict criteria to ascertain if the particulates in the electron microscope image were fly ash, sulfates, pollen, or unknown particulates. I worked very diligently to follow the guidelines and report accurately, but at one point I recorded my findings on the back of the picture and came back to it and recounted them later. It was dismally disappointing. My perception of the data was significantly different. The results also at times didn’t match expectations with the professor and so modifications were made to the formula by removing the parenthesis in the algebra? This is what we use as absolute governmental and scientific TRUTH?

At the Roadside Philosophers we have a first person group, which means we share perspectives and experiences one-on-one. The person is right there to question and we encourage cross examination and the “Whys”. It doesn’t take long to ascertain what volume they are engage in by the words they use in their first person account. This is invaluable in deciding their engagement level. Those little adjectives and sentence formation gives us their State of Being. However scientific papers are stripped of such clues. It is not considered scientific so all you see are numbers and graphs and bland documents. Lack of that context information is supposed to make reports MORE truthful?

I witness more and more scientific articles that say things like, “Taking Vitamin C MAY help ward off colds.” The words May or Can or Might is more truth… because they really don’t know. Just like Betty down the street tells you that gargling with salt has helped her sore throat. If you have someone right in front of you, you can bounce your questions off them directly. Experiential first person accounts can be falsified just as easily as modifying a calculation. So what do I consider valid? The right to interrogate. If the website has an email to contact and the person responds with something other than a

form letter, I will seriously consider it to be… An immersive perspective to consider.

We can examine validity all day, but the bottom line is that you need to understand that all perspectives are fluid and none can actually reflect 100% accurately the perspective from where YOU stand. 

So this is my point. You can never take a vacation from thinking or reflecting. Only you can draw the line from what is presented to where you stand in your journey of life. Do not give over your truth just because something claims validity over your experiences, unless you have the right of interrogation.

Enjoy your journey and claim your right to validate.  (Trust, but validate!)

Hugs, Pamala

Are you of Less value if your alone?

On By Pamala CliftIn Interpersonal Relationships, Society, UncategorizedLeave a comment

A Light undiscovered?

It is interesting this holiday season how many sad comments I am getting about the fact that I am no longer partnered. That means I am physically in my abode by myself. “OMG how horrid for you during the holidays?”

Trying to explain my feelings seem to be irrelevant.

Being alone is the natural state of being. We are all alone in our mind. No one invades or truly knows who we are but us.

Whether you interact in a group or not you are still inside your mind seperate. Even in a crowd you are alone. How many suffer going through the motions of doing what everyone else expects as normal interactions because it is perceived as the only option? Is that you? Or is that the ritual you go through to block out your own thoughts?

I often think of crowds of family and friends as “television,” just background noise to our existence.  Sometimes interactions are the pinochle of life’s existence as you are enlightened and share something internally important. Those times are rare and wonderful, soul to soul communication, and certainly do not always coincide with large groups of people or holidays.

Face to face communication is perceived as the ONLY real interaction, Really? I drove an hour in traffic to get to a face to face meeting of a new Meetup group in downtown Orlando labeled as technology and education, which as you know is my particular interest. The meet up was 5 guys at a bar. I stayed an hour and found a few things in common but left shortly and drove the hour back. Then I logged online with a Google Hangout and had an absolutely stimulating engagement with several different minds across the world that made my slide into sleep quite fulfilled with new perspectives.

Saying that nothing is of value without physical face to face means you have never been enlighten by a particularly moving piece of music? a book? an email? a phone call? or an online communication?

I watch in the middle of December the sprouting of my newly planted seeds of spinach and lettuce with great delight. Nature is still responding with more than I am giving it. I am blessed! 

I have a vision that I am working toward, a goal… a purpose in life that I think adds value not only to myself with the journey, but for others as well. Whether it comes to fruition or not is irrelevant. I have a story and a plot in my life.

At the time of my parting this biological avatar I will be alone. No one can take that last journey with you. It is only my thoughts I will be examining upon exit. If I have never been alone with them before because I spent my time covering them with loud background noises of others, I expect it would be quite a shock and empty. Will you have fulfilled your purpose in life? Have you identified who YOU are?

When I talk to people I listen carefully for where their values lay and the breakdown is pretty much like Eleanor Roosevelt broke it down in her quote. “Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.”

Those who gossip and find their energy bringing down others are only interested on climbing over bodies and contribute nothing. Those who spend their time observing the world events to make comments that entail no action can be replaced with a good news program. So the only ones that feed society are those that deal with new spins on thoughts and take action to help move them forward. Who are these people? They are the ones that have spent time examining their thoughts and others, so they have had to have turned down the background noise and been alone!

Being Alone is absolutely necessary to bring a person to fruition. It is not only of value, it is essential. If you find yourself alone and morning that no one is there to share with, keep that time short, then turn around and get to know that person that never leaves…YOU!

Amazing how wonderful life is when you live in your own skin and think your own thoughts. Life is good if you have that freedom and have spent the time to like yourself. 

However you envision the Divine, it is your responsibility to get to know how you can interact with it. Whether you think of it as your totem animal, the universe, God or a golden monkey there is that spark that says there is more to know and you have to find a path toward that.

Be not Afraid!

We all travel this journey alone, Together!

Hugs, Pam (The Roadside Philosopher)

What is Reality?

On By Pamala CliftIn Philosopher comments on Reality, UncategorizedLeave a comment

Don Quixote inside or out?

I gave for the first time the new presentation, “The Illusions We Live” just this last week. It was a rough delivery, but there was something of importance being brought together both in my mind and those that listened.

So what I want to talk about in this blog is again the perspective of reality with the fictional component of Don Quixote.

Don Quixote is an old coot of a character that sees evil and good through his own mental eyes. Most see him as a crazy delusional old man, but the value of the person was NOT what was viewed from outside. It was knowing what the vision and the trials of the man were from the inside. 

The glory of Don Quixote was staying true to that vision all the way up to the end. That was a inspiring man, with a noble cause even if we can not follow it or fully understand his reality. Somehow we respect the passion and the high ethical pursuit of the man to the point of striking awe within us.

We all see windmills that call out to our hearts, but waiver when others do not see what we see. We must be wrong?

Not a single sense, hearing, taste, visual, tactile, smell can not be easily fooled. There are tons of scientific research papers that successfully prove how unreliable our senses are. Yet there are those that claim if they can’t sense it, things are not real? 

If you realize that your vision of reality is not universally shared by others and all senses from this biological or pixelated avatar can be fooled…What do you believe in?

Reality is where you focus. If your inside says “Save the Trees” Than that is the vision you should pursue. If it says you “Must Seek the Force” than that is the direction your journey should take. Does it matter that others do not understand and can not see? No! What matters is you and how you interact with the universe. Are you being responsible to the calling that is your personal adventure in this life?

Where is the courage? Why is everything corruptible due to money? Who made money the true point system in this game of life?

Your illusions have value, whether you are locked in prison or on the street you can spin the story that nobly places you working toward your goals. Be true to the small voice inside and enjoy the adventure that is your life.

Hugs, Pam (The Roadside Philosopher)