by Pamala Clift (1st posted Thursday, Oct. 4, 2018 2:57 pm)
So “I” is the most often used pronoun these days, with the “Its all about Me”, social media craze.
There are good things about taking ownership of your own feelings and stating them clearly.
“I would like you to take me to dinner.” “I feel ignored.”
Taking ownership of your feelings is better than accusing. “You don’t love me.” …but that’s a whole other blog post-plus in itself.
But how can you use pronouns for identifying if there is potential relationship possibilities?
It’s amazing as I talk to contacts, family and my own relationships what there is about Pronouns, especially when there are problems needing solving. When do things switch from the independent identity to a functional couples identity?
1. A guy that says, “Don’t worry about it. I will take care of it.” Is a dominate relationship, meaning you must always subjugate yourself to him. That’s awesome if he is competent, and never-growing-up and playing princess the rest of your life is your goal. However, that won’t stay the same. He will eventually want a new younger prettier princess, or you might develop an interest and competency that makes you need his say so less, so he loses his princess. So for long term this might not be the relationship to seek.
2. A guy that constantly says, “You handle it.” or “Don’t worry it will all work out fine.” but turns things over to happenstance. Well, he is either supportive of your growth, or he is lazy. He is thinking that the problem isn’t worth his effort. He is either dismissing you or he is living in his own fairy tale world where your main concern should be about him. If it is not about him than handle it yourself, even if it is about your joint residence or children.
This might leave you seeing the back of his head while he is watching sports, video games or left for the golf course. This could very well be the guy who wants to sleep with his mom. In other words, he is only interested in the perks of the relationship. He is not interested in fulfilling obligations or promises. If you wish to “take care” of someone all your life this might work, but don’t plan on ever being appreciated for doing so. You become his “left arm”. In other words, nobody every thanks their left arm for doing what it is supposed to do. You are just an extension of him.
3. Then comes the out-of-the-blue guy who when you express a problem he says, “We’ll work it out.” He uses the plural! OMG, he is taking the position that between the two of you there will be ways to make things work. No longer is it You or I, but We! That is the first sign that couple-hood is plausible.
Sometimes “WE” is said but it is still you that has to work it out. If you find that happening all the time it can be a delusional play by guy number two as he fools himself that he is contributing, so still watch for that.
So the bottom line is look for the pronouns. There is only one out of 3 options that might work.
Enjoy the Journey! Hugs, Pam