Tag: online dating

Dating Sites: Is there hope?

On By Pamala CliftIn Interpersonal RelationshipsLeave a comment

Touch is so needed for these biological avatars we live in. We need to feel close to someone. Sometimes just a hug will do it. Sometimes you need a stable second personality to give you perspective

Today the choices are… Meet someone at work; meet them at a bar; or a chance meeting at the laundromat or grocery store. A lot of hurdles to get to know someone, but dating sites say, “Come we All want someone. Meet them here!”

But remember each site needs money to run. Each site will claim they are the best in the business in one form or the other. They will have you start the signup procedure and get your information and then not let you SEE or respond to anyone until you give them money. Be warned.

But those things we pretty much expect in this financial downturn. Companies looking for money.

The things that hurt are the personal frauds. The men that lie and say they are single when they are married. The women who expect ownership of the men they chat with or get hostile and turn to stalking. 

First and foremost know that the first few people you meet on a site most likely will be the desperates. A greater chance of psychos, exists the faster they say.. “You’re beautiful & sexy.” Or “I can’t think of anything but to get you into bed.” Complements right off the bat are a BIG RED FLAG that this is a player.

I would guess close to 80% of men online are looking for an easy roll in the hay. I would say the same percentage of women are looking for a Prince Charming to come and rescue them from their current situation. 

That leaves a very narrow margin of sincere lookers who are ready to even seek compatibility. So everyone is hit with the players & desperates right out the gate, making the true seekers cautious and eventually they pull away.

Dating online is not for the feint of heart. Rejection is always there. Perceptions and rash judgements are made by both parties, but that is ok. You don’t need to be accepted by everyone!

Let me say that again! “You don’t need to be accepted by everyone!” This is NOT a popularity contest. 

The faster you can sort through the thousands upon thousands, being yourself, the greater the chance you are going to find that one-n-only. You don’t want everyone to like you. You want the ONE that “GETs you” to find you. 

Always be honest and let the chips fall where they may. Don’t spend forever clawing through profile after profile, just devote maybe a few minutes a day and make sure you say Hi to at least 3.

Don’t expect responses. Just get over the need to be accepted. Maybe someone you liked will like you…maybe not…but if you don’t reach out you have increased the odds of you finding each other. Chat is good.

If they refuse to give you their number, last name, email, and address after a week or so of chats online…they are probably married. If they are distrustful, they are either hurt from past experiences or are married. The dishonest believe everyone else is dishonest.

Hope is for the ONE. Not just anyone. Remember a true noble quest is not a fast food order. *smile*

Enjoy the journey, Hugs, Pam

Love Online or Horror Movie?

On By Pamala CliftIn Interpersonal RelationshipsLeave a comment

Now that I’m on a few dating sites, I’m afraid I’m analyzing everything said to me. This is/is-not a good profession to be in if you are considering really looking. *smile*

Is the person talking to me the person represented online? Or an imagined preconceived scripted person of their hearts desire? What hidden agenda is really going on.

One first contact with a guy insisted that you better have sex on the first date or there would be no second date. 

Yep, you guessed it. There was no FIRST date. That really isn’t a hidden agenda and easy to dismiss even when he thought harassment and name calling would make him a more desirable contact? lol 

Then I hear stories shared with me that a guy adopts another person’s identity so much so that they pass a detective investigation. That poor gal got a child out of the deal.  I can only imagine the horrors she felt with such a long term premeditated deception continually haunting her.

You get those who instantly want you to share your phone number. NOT a good idea. 

Oh? And is there something special about Yahoo Messenger for the foreigners? Seems everyone who is not what they claim are from a foreign country and wants to talk to you on Yahoo.

If the profile you see has fluid English writing but the text message is full of errors and awkward sentences, there is your answer. 

I asked one guy who wanted me to talk with him on Yahoo, if he had Skype? NO….

“Ok, Do you have a Facebook page?” No to that too. 

So what do you do? Well he works for this company and travels the world selling precious metals. “OK, what is your company’s website?” There isn’t any. 

“…and you have no picture up on this site why?” 

Well I am new on computers I don’t know how to do it, but if you will go to Yahoo I can send you a picture.”

Ok, doesn’t know internet, Skype, Facebook, or have any external validation whatsoever but is familiar enough with computers to do Yahoo and when I pointed out his lack of believe-ability he used the internet acronym of “brb”. That’s when I laughed out loud and disconnected. I suppose he had to ask the advice of his supervisor?

These can be the easy to dismiss ones if you’re not in NEEDY mode, but it is extremely hard for those desperately seeking companionship to not keep hoping and taking the bait.

This is one of the reasons that I think virtual world dating is a far more stable platform. It allows engagement and interaction and at least enough time for sifting of realities to occur.

However, if you are in desperate mode, one medium will under mind you as well as another.

So my constant, most unwavering response to everyone is. “Be happy with yourself alone, before you seek to connect with another.”  But since this is the month of Hallows Eve… if you really want the “SH_T” scared out of you, don’t go to the movies, head to an online dating site. *smile

Enjoy the journey, Hugs… Pam