Tag: online love

Stuck in Online Love?

On By Pamala CliftIn Interpersonal Relationships, UncategorizedLeave a comment

Virtual relationships can be excellent support. They can also be invigorating, intriguing, feed our creativity, and put a spring in our step.

However, when your heart is so involved with your love online that you can not extract your feelings for real life engagements, it can feel like prison.

You are a prisoner of a love that doesn’t seem plausible that it will ever come to fruition. You can’t move forward with your life and you can’t live just online, so what can you do?

It is simple for others to say, “Well forget him/her and move on.” but it isn’t that cut & dried. You owe a lot to your support and love relationship. Your heart doesn’t want to lose that solid connection.

So I am going to give you HORRIBLE advice from the guru standpoint, which says, “Be one and whole”. 

You are on a teeter totter of realities. Your heart is in virtual and you exist in the physical world which HAS to have things taken care of like eating, showering, making a living and laundry.

So you Split your stories. Instead of having virtual be ALL your reality for your heart, you start another story, persona, personal exchange and compartmentalize your virtual love to a strict timed allotment. Your chore is to put step by step more weight on the teeter totter leaning toward your real life explorations of love. 

Tell your virtual love of your decision and what steps you have decided to take. If they really love you and they can not join you in real life, then they should understand that you still love them but can’t stay solo in virtual. 

If they don’t understand in time(say a week), you have hooked yourself a drama king/queen and you will have to do a complete severance, since you can’t be made to feel guilty for having a physical life.

What can I tell you? It will be painful for both if a complete severance is needed but usually the pain dies down in about two weeks if you focus on something else.

If your online loved one, does truly love you and wishes for your happiness then they might be your greatest source of “gender translation” as they explain the stories you choose to share with them about your biological pursuits.

“Stuck” is a word that only you can change in your mind. You are far more free than you think. You create your reality and if you are not happy with it in either the digital or physical world, it does not make sense to keep doing the same thing.

The journey is yours to pursue. Think about your direction and go forward consciously not compulsively.

Hugs, Pam

Virtual Relationships-Are We Blind?

On By Pamala CliftIn Interpersonal RelationshipsLeave a comment

If we wanna be…

Are we blind when we communicate and connect online? 

Is the only way to “Really” love visual and tactile?

Does that mean someone blind cannot love? 

Can you only love someone you touch? (That would totally take the romance out of the lyrics – “…to love pure and chaste from afar” Impossible Dream)

We have all heard the saying, “Love at first sight.” Many times those incidents have been documented as life long commitments that work, other times it was a fleeting passion dissolved with the first spoken word.

In my book I do not count anything one-sided as love, but what if it is felt both ways? Is it a relationships then?

For every ONE way of defining love you will get “hit & miss” stories in real or virtual connections, so lets jump right to the philosophical statement – There are no absolutes…Absolutely! *wink*

So are there connections made online that can turn to love? Yes, plain and simple, we cannot rule out possibilities in this irrational human existence.

What is the best method to discern this?

1. First thing to question – Are the complements coming way to fast?

Having someone stroke your ego right off the bat without ever knowing who they are talking to might be a sure way to feel good about yourself but does that constitute a relationship of love or self love?

This is often a tool sales people use who have to pour on the shmaltzy to get people to buy.

Complements given too fast are rubbish.

2. Time: Relationships need time to be labeled true. So an online relationship of 3 hours during the last two weeks would not give you a correct measurement with any level of accuracy.

The higher the intellect on the other end, the harder and longer it will take to discern their true desires. There are professional deceivers among us… umm look at politicians, sales, business, psychics, psychologists …the list goes on and on. We all seem to know how to spin reality to our benefit.

3. As it says in the Virgin’s Handbook you have to know the level of engagement of the other party. Are they engaging with you disassociatively, immersively or augmentatively? Meaning are they looking for entertainment which you are supplying; Immersively engaged with you using their true perceptions and communication; or are they trying to sell you something?

4. Recognize your needs and what story you wish to be a part of and then enjoy it initially as a story. Think first of your interactions as a good book or movie. All books & movies end, so realize that at the start as well. If after sometime of consistent interaction you both feel this is more than a story, well then take safe steps to meet. (I will go into that in another blog post.)

Virtual relationships are no different then real relationships in that everything is up for question as how does the other person truly feel.

So when everything washes out and goes wrong does that mean the method of connection was false or just the perception and communication was at fault?

Be good to yourself and realize hiccups are a part of being human. 

Forgive and learn. 

Don’t turn bitter.

Reflect and respin from the other person’s point of view.

Relationships are difficult. Finding a match, even for a short time is a true quest. Good Luck… and Hugs.