Love Online or Horror Movie?

On By Pamala CliftIn Interpersonal RelationshipsLeave a comment

Now that I’m on a few dating sites, I’m afraid I’m analyzing everything said to me. This is/is-not a good profession to be in if you are considering really looking. *smile*

Is the person talking to me the person represented online? Or an imagined preconceived scripted person of their hearts desire? What hidden agenda is really going on.

One first contact with a guy insisted that you better have sex on the first date or there would be no second date. 

Yep, you guessed it. There was no FIRST date. That really isn’t a hidden agenda and easy to dismiss even when he thought harassment and name calling would make him a more desirable contact? lol 

Then I hear stories shared with me that a guy adopts another person’s identity so much so that they pass a detective investigation. That poor gal got a child out of the deal.  I can only imagine the horrors she felt with such a long term premeditated deception continually haunting her.

You get those who instantly want you to share your phone number. NOT a good idea. 

Oh? And is there something special about Yahoo Messenger for the foreigners? Seems everyone who is not what they claim are from a foreign country and wants to talk to you on Yahoo.

If the profile you see has fluid English writing but the text message is full of errors and awkward sentences, there is your answer. 

I asked one guy who wanted me to talk with him on Yahoo, if he had Skype? NO….

“Ok, Do you have a Facebook page?” No to that too. 

So what do you do? Well he works for this company and travels the world selling precious metals. “OK, what is your company’s website?” There isn’t any. 

“…and you have no picture up on this site why?” 

Well I am new on computers I don’t know how to do it, but if you will go to Yahoo I can send you a picture.”

Ok, doesn’t know internet, Skype, Facebook, or have any external validation whatsoever but is familiar enough with computers to do Yahoo and when I pointed out his lack of believe-ability he used the internet acronym of “brb”. That’s when I laughed out loud and disconnected. I suppose he had to ask the advice of his supervisor?

These can be the easy to dismiss ones if you’re not in NEEDY mode, but it is extremely hard for those desperately seeking companionship to not keep hoping and taking the bait.

This is one of the reasons that I think virtual world dating is a far more stable platform. It allows engagement and interaction and at least enough time for sifting of realities to occur.

However, if you are in desperate mode, one medium will under mind you as well as another.

So my constant, most unwavering response to everyone is. “Be happy with yourself alone, before you seek to connect with another.”  But since this is the month of Hallows Eve… if you really want the “SH_T” scared out of you, don’t go to the movies, head to an online dating site. *smile

Enjoy the journey, Hugs… Pam

Over Easy with Opinions

On By Pamala CliftIn Interpersonal Relationships, SocietyLeave a comment

With the different types of engagers (immersives and disassociatives) it is sometimes hard to present your opinions. Do you address your comments to those who like the extremes for a giggle, or present a level more boring presentation.

In marketing, apparently the advice is to “Make IT Memorable” in whatever way you can…good or bad. Just be known! They would have you strip and do something “OMG” memorable to get attention, which would allow you coverage in newspapers, magazines, radio and tv to get your true point across. Believe me sometimes I do ponder about doing just that. (Not the strip part, but something? *smile*)

I have a hard time not taking it as a personal affront when someone online is hurt and has never had a chance to view the State of Being construct. How can I get this available? The construct seems to help throw a few pillows down for the falls from extremes presented and experienced online, but not fast enough? We are way too digitized.

When you express your opinions, online or off, a constructive pre-thought would be “Am I talking to an immersive?” Will they take your comment to heart? 

I am the last one to claim I never put my foot in my mouth. I am happy to share with you my thoughts and even debate your perceptions in an engaging dialog… but if I am talking to an immersive who sees their opinions as a component of themselves, then the point “I” thought I was debating is not just “the point of the discussion” it is their arm, leg, or vital body organ. Their identity of “who they are” is directly under attack with the challenge of the thought they presented. 

This happens in real life or virtual life. This happens with love, business and education. 

Sometimes I just don’t care that you think you are all that and a bag of chips or you have money, or degrees; if what you say does not make functional sense, I will debate it. That has gotten me into lots of trouble with those self-appointed Gods that claim to be over-me in some capacity, so I am lecturing myself here as well and I could use some input.

How do you disengage from an immersive who feels they are personally under attack with the challenge of an idea? They are in defensive mode. They will not be happy till you agree with them or give them an out. They do not care if they are right or wrong only that the opinion they have expressed,(which they have taken so solidly that it IS a vital organ) be seen as valid. If their point is not conceded, you will be the enemy.

I have a flipping hard time lying. I would much rather be told up front exactly how it is perceived so I can evaluate it fairly but that is not normal apparently?

So my current form of attack on this matter is: Figure out if they are immersive with their thoughts. Stop and consider that first, before you express your opinions. Sometimes that might mean testing the waters with an “over-easy” version?

Cyber Bullying

On By Pamala CliftIn Interpersonal Relationships, SocietyLeave a comment

What hits me first on the news station in my new Florida County?

A 12 year old girl committed suicide because of cyber bullying! I am outraged that emotional trauma is filtering down to even younger ones faster than I can get the words or construct out for dealing with online emotional engagement.

I had to call both the sheriff’s department and the school district to see if I can offer my services.

We have handed the world over to our youth without any tools to deal with their emotional growth for this human/computer interface. We adults are the ones at fault.

This reminds me of my dad throwing me into the deep side of the pool and telling me to swim, but it is even worse. When my dad threw me into the deep side of the pool he stood there laughing and watching me struggle. When we hand our kids total freedom to computers, phones and social media we are throwing them in the deep side of the pool with no one to watch them. We are leaving them alone to sink or swim. They have no tools to deal with what is told them, nor the emotional maturity to contain their feelings that NOW (does not)= Forever.

Text is a very powerful method to get into the psyche of the mind. You will notice that many videos trying to sell you something will show just words. That is because the written word is already IN YOUR head before you get to analyze it. It by-passes things you see in real life that you reject because you have defenses up and therefore do not allow it to affect you.

Trolls and bullies who are taking entertainment from the emotional buy-in of the immersives can not understand the level of pain they are causing. To them it is all just a giggle.

I am panicked and am currently rewriting what was a presentation to inform adults, teachers and administrators into something more entertainingly important for a younger audience. This is where my 17 years as a professional clown may come in handy. I will use my balloon animals and the air we blow into them to equal our engagement levels. How much belief do we buy into something? I am also adding colors to the States of Being, because the words are too large for the young ones.  Now Disassociative will be RED, Immersives will be white, and Augmentatives will be Green.

I don’t know if anyone will call me back to take me up on my offer of assistance, but the urgency to give tools to our young digital citizens is burning inside me. I have to try.

I don’t know if anyone will call me back to take me up on my offer of assistance, but the urgency to give tools to our young digital citizens is burning inside me. I have to try.

I think the offer to share should be there. It is when there is forced proselyting that it poses a problem. (Agree with me or you will go to hell, or I will shoot you in the head) Mostly people just think they know it all and refuse help.

(ps. They didn’t call..:( )

Tell me why That is Real,

On By Pamala CliftIn Philosopher comments on Reality, SocietyLeave a comment

…and this is not?

Now that I have made some attempt at publicity for the book I get requests by publicists. Well most of the ones I get are just trying to make their way like everyone else with small little radio shows, or want free books, so claim something they have no intention of fulfilling.

One did actually follow through with a little radio show in Chapel Hill, NC. It was nicely done with the interview conducted on the phone. Our only other communication had been by email. 

He came out and boldly said “Virtual is NOT REAL!” That was his “no questions asked” point of view. It wasn’t up for discussion.  Yet we had only typed in text.. and we had only communicated by phone, but HIS show was REAL. 

That always amazes me. Why a communication by a phone line is real and VOIP communication over a computer is not real? Does that mean if we talk on a black cell phone it is more real than if we talk on a red cell phone? Why does the device trigger reality?

When I asked him how many were on his internet radio show listening.. He reluctantly told me 2, but then he added there could be lots more out on the radio waves… umm hmmm.  This was his dream, to him, that was real! 

We dismiss anything that isn’t within our frame of reference. 

This picture was a Second Life broadcast with a live group of avatar audience that seemed to be close to 30. So let’s say a 100 more watch over a year on YouTube. By his estimation the virtual communication was NOT real? His little radio show was. Yet I got at least two book sales from the virtual show.

Reality is where ever you Focus.

So what is real.. is only what you believe, but that only works for you. So to quote another great story teller…

There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio,
Than are dreamt of in your philosophy. 
– Hamlet (1.5.166-7), Hamlet to Horatio

Virtual Relationships-Are We Blind?

On By Pamala CliftIn Interpersonal RelationshipsLeave a comment

If we wanna be…

Are we blind when we communicate and connect online? 

Is the only way to “Really” love visual and tactile?

Does that mean someone blind cannot love? 

Can you only love someone you touch? (That would totally take the romance out of the lyrics – “…to love pure and chaste from afar” Impossible Dream)

We have all heard the saying, “Love at first sight.” Many times those incidents have been documented as life long commitments that work, other times it was a fleeting passion dissolved with the first spoken word.

In my book I do not count anything one-sided as love, but what if it is felt both ways? Is it a relationships then?

For every ONE way of defining love you will get “hit & miss” stories in real or virtual connections, so lets jump right to the philosophical statement – There are no absolutes…Absolutely! *wink*

So are there connections made online that can turn to love? Yes, plain and simple, we cannot rule out possibilities in this irrational human existence.

What is the best method to discern this?

1. First thing to question – Are the complements coming way to fast?

Having someone stroke your ego right off the bat without ever knowing who they are talking to might be a sure way to feel good about yourself but does that constitute a relationship of love or self love?

This is often a tool sales people use who have to pour on the shmaltzy to get people to buy.

Complements given too fast are rubbish.

2. Time: Relationships need time to be labeled true. So an online relationship of 3 hours during the last two weeks would not give you a correct measurement with any level of accuracy.

The higher the intellect on the other end, the harder and longer it will take to discern their true desires. There are professional deceivers among us… umm look at politicians, sales, business, psychics, psychologists …the list goes on and on. We all seem to know how to spin reality to our benefit.

3. As it says in the Virgin’s Handbook you have to know the level of engagement of the other party. Are they engaging with you disassociatively, immersively or augmentatively? Meaning are they looking for entertainment which you are supplying; Immersively engaged with you using their true perceptions and communication; or are they trying to sell you something?

4. Recognize your needs and what story you wish to be a part of and then enjoy it initially as a story. Think first of your interactions as a good book or movie. All books & movies end, so realize that at the start as well. If after sometime of consistent interaction you both feel this is more than a story, well then take safe steps to meet. (I will go into that in another blog post.)

Virtual relationships are no different then real relationships in that everything is up for question as how does the other person truly feel.

So when everything washes out and goes wrong does that mean the method of connection was false or just the perception and communication was at fault?

Be good to yourself and realize hiccups are a part of being human. 

Forgive and learn. 

Don’t turn bitter.

Reflect and respin from the other person’s point of view.

Relationships are difficult. Finding a match, even for a short time is a true quest. Good Luck… and Hugs.

Freedom vs Security

On By Pamala CliftIn Philosopher comments on Reality, SocietyLeave a comment

Is either Real?

Regulations to control? Regulations to provide the illusion of security? Regulations to give lawyers, judges, and clerks work? Regulations that require everyone to read pages and pages of regulations to see if any of it applies to them? Regulations that require you to purchase insurance in case you have missed any of the regulations and become liable? 

The paperwork of freedom is getting out of hand. We are handcuffing our productivity trying to stay legal to regulations that shift daily. No wonder we have fallen behind in productivity.

The legislative bodies have even gone non-productive because no one understands the level of complexity 3 zillion pages adds to the mechanics of society. How should this integrate with that if it is Tuesday and the market has closed, but the currency exchange has devalued our monetary system? We can NOT legislate for every occurrence possible.

I get a little radical here. Function should be first, in my opinion. If things don’t work, throw them out. We have gotten to a level of non-functional.

The depth of any transaction should be limited to 3 levels. You should always know who owns something no more than 3 levels deep. You should have instructions with no more than 3 external references.

If something can not be reduced to an If/Then/Else statement, it should not be put in the regulations. If it can be put in that statement, well then…hehe… we should have an App for that! 

There is no reason that life’s regulations should not be plain for the people that it regulates to have immediate understandable resources. If it is not plain and quickly understandable, it is not an effective regulation.

As it stands now, even the lawyers have to have lawyers to know or to get an additional opinion if what they are doing works this moment in time.

So what has that done for us? Has this really prevented fraud? Has it stopped the bad guys? Given us any security?

In fact the complexity has given very fertile ground for deceit and spin doctors. A team of lawyers with creativity can find a way to make anyone illegal.  The required insurance businesses and individuals are made to pay has given money to companies that live to take money, not insure. They have a team of lawyers to find ways out of paying. It is an illusion of security that we are forced to pay.

This is the topic of our next Roadside Philosopher’s meeting on July 20th, Freedom vs Security. I shall look forward to the international flavor of opinions as to what has worked and doesn’t work in other countries.

Hugs to all my free thinkers.

The 3 Monkeys-

On By Pamala CliftIn Philosopher comments on Reality, SocietyLeave a comment

See, Hear, Speak no Evil

I have had monkeys by my monitor almost since I have had a computer.

I found these two adorable ceramic monkeys with large rhinestone eyes at a thrift shop and sat them on my monitor for years. I was never really sure why they just seemed to be perfect there.

One day after a long time spent online I went into the bathroom and looked in the mirror. My eyes had the same glassed-over look as those two rhinestone monkeys. OOooh, now I get it.

I also have several versions of the hear, see, speak no evil monkeys around.

Why is that important online?  Well when you think that what you say online can now be referenced forever because of archival sites you can not take anything back if said online. That is really quite freaky when you think about it…maybe someday your great grand kids will have a search engine that can pull up everything done and said on the web by their ancestors. So much for leaving a legacy. So that covers why we should speak no evil…

Why we should “see” and “hear” no evil is also a concern. With the ability now of tracking on the web any IP address and web tracing capabilities you really don’t want to be places you would have to explain later to a spouse, boss, client, or government agency…clears throat. I am always concerned about that old computer saying GIGO (Garbage in=Garbage out) My mind has limited processing units available, if my little mental cells are filled with things that are negative that gives me less positive resources to draw from so I am reducing my functional capacity.

Also if you are wandering the dark recesses of the web there are all sorts of malware that can sneak in upon your computer. It is not safe out there. All good reasons for being cautious about what you put in your computer mind.

I got a contract recently to evaluate websites for a search engine. There is tons and tons of stuff I have to do on my computer to prepare for *Drum Roll Please* the DARK SIDE of the web. In fact I ended up downloading malware attached to the malware software I was suppose to download.

I am always concerned about that old computer saying GIGO (Garbage in=Garbage out) My mind has limited processing units available, if my little mental cells are filled with things that are negative that gives me less positive resources to draw from so I am reducing my functional capacity.

Also if you are wandering the dark recesses of the web there are all sorts of malware that can sneak in upon your computer. It is not safe out there. All good reasons for being cautious about what you put in your computer mind.

I got a contract recently to evaluate websites for a search engine. There is tons and tons of stuff I have to do on my computer to prepare for *Drum Roll Please* the DARK SIDE of the web. In fact I ended up downloading malware attached to the malware software I was suppose to download.

In the beginning of the Internet we had almost Carte Blanche, very much like the free wild west. Few people could “catch” anyone. Now we have to clean up our act, just as when the regular settlers moved in and set up laws and created the states and joined into a country. We have to listen to and keep in mind that this is part of our real life world now…It has rules. It has police. There are consequences.

There will always be mavericks out there that hate the constraints and will forge new ground to be free. You GO Guys/Gals! But now that we are actually getting society acclimated to the digital world,(we were shouting its praises to get converts) we have to step aside a bit.

Virtual worlds have not hit the main stream yet, so we still hold onto our fringe geniuses, but if it is indeed the value we believe it to be, when the world moves in…there will be something lost as well.

Us digital monkeys need to figure out what it is we truly want. Freedom or acceptance?

Artistic Differences-

On By Pamala CliftIn Interpersonal Relationships, Philosopher comments on Reality, SocietyLeave a comment

Get it?

Art means somebody is NOT going to GET it! That is just the way of it.

Whether you are looking at modern art or classic renaissance; you’re listening to  hard rock, rap or country music, there will be someone loving it and others hating it.

I remember going to the Smithsonian’s Modern Art Museum with my daughters after we had just spent a couple of hours enjoying the traditional art museum classics. We only spent 15 min walking through this modern museum trying to GET these high profile pieces. If I thought I wasn’t cultured, my daughters out “uncultured” me with their jokes and verbiage. But to tell you the truth I could not stop laughing at thinking that a space of honor was given to a tilted urinal? Obviously we did not GET it. Yes, it might have a cultural meaning of pissing on society, but art should require an effort to convey. Less effort should equal less value. A painted line or box across a large canvas did not take much effort so we could see no value, yet people pay millions.

Why is that?  No, I mean really? Why are we humans on such drastically different frequencies?

When someone puts up their creative talents in Second Life (virtual worlds have an amazing collection of artistic people) either their artwork, photography, poems, or music, I walk around waiting for something to HIT me. Something that comes in on MY channel. I will know it when I see it or hear it, but could not tell you in advance why one grouping of colors or sounds FEELS like me and others do not.

We hear, see and feel things on different channels. The human race is a keyboard of resonating notes. 

When we actually can learn to break down and test that resonating component of the human spirit we might just be able to construct the instrument that will allow us to make harmony from these minor and major cords. That is when we will have peace on earth.

That is when science and art will meet, when those resonating frequencies of our life’s perceptions can be identified like DNA. Is there such a thing? It is obvious that we all respond to something consistently, so it does exist, but what is IT?

I thought I sang in B-flat, someone else labeled my key as D. I know if a song is in the wrong key I sound like an idiot, the right one I will challenge the talent shows. So if there is a right and wrong KEY for everyone, shouldn’t their be a way to test for it?  I believe our human spirit has a frequency and we each are a note in the instrument of life. Now I am looking for the orchestra pit, composer and conductor that can pull from our universal frequencies and get us working together in a planet symphony. Hugs

So What Moves You?

On By Pamala CliftIn Philosopher comments on Reality, SocietyLeave a comment

My Response..

You know when you write a book that talks about sex online you’re going to get a lot of questions like, *Wink* “So what moves you?” undercurrent double entendre.

My answer: Function

Their face drops. That isn’t what they wanted to hear? They want to know my kinks.

I can’t give them what they want, because I never figured it out myself, which is why I am the perfect one for examining sex online. I won’t get sidetracked with seeking to satiate my own desires. 

I look for what works and doesn’t work for the people that have these desires. I examine their joys and their pains and try to find a path that will let them get to a middle ground. I saw and heard great joy and great pain with relationships online. 

I would meet wonderful brilliant people online that then would get drawn into relationships and lose their initial focus and then fall into pain and leave the very environment that engaged them. The medium that provided its powerful engagement properties is blamed. That very medium would be perfect to use in education. (Another of those things that doesn’t work that I am trying to fix..lol) The thing that motivates me is indeed: function. I need things to work. When things don’t work my motivation is to Fix It!

This hasn’t worked for me in my classical employment life. When someone hires you to do a job and says do this with a blue tool instead of the needed red tool and then claims it is your fault. I very nicely tell them that. It will not work unless you use the right tool for the right goal. Do not hold me responsible for a result that was not ascertained correctly.

Which is why I work best as the project manager instead of the drone. I can be a drone if you give me the autonomy to make things work. If you say this is the rule and that rule NEVER gets what is desired. I won’t be your drone. Function rules for me.

People are important, but it has to be the right people. I interviewed for a position with what I thought was a great company that claimed they were trying to make a wonderful new tool for education. It ended up they were very focused on data and  getting what a teacher, the law, the administrators, the government wanted. 

I asked but what about the student and parents? Apparently that didn’t matter. 

The whole purpose of education is to lift up the student, but all they wanted was to serve data to administrators to harass everybody that things were not happening correctly in the classroom?

If the goal is to raise up the capabilities of an individual, then you need the tool to work for and with the individual. More data is not going to aid that person’s education.

This is where I pull my hair out. So much time and energy wasted on making things for things that don’t work.

So what moves me? 

Questions, Pondering, Imagination, Different viewpoints, engaging dialog and function. Ummm. but philosophers don’t get paid much…lol

Is Education Sell-able in its Current Form?

On By Pamala CliftIn Education, SocietyLeave a comment

High Cost for ?

So we have an exorbitant cost associated with buildings, marketing, personnel to keep Universities up and running soooo we can pay for administrators and marketing so we can get more students in to pay higher prices so the University can confirm that they might have learned something.

So what, if what they learned ..they learned from books, the internet, their own research, listening, and doing…. 

We needed a teacher to ASSIGN that stuff before they can learn it?

Ok, lets back up here… The student is ultimately responsible for learning what is needed. The instructor assigns reading, and exercises for the student to do research. 

Does that mean it is NOT valid if I read and do exercises I find on the internet and learn something because someone else has not assigned it?

So this is what I am saying. Since the student has multiple avenues to learn information now. One does not have to sit on a hard seat in a crowded classroom to listen to a boring professor tell us of his summer vacation before he gives us the 10 min next assignment.

It seems the value of the higher education institution is in only one thing…. Validating that you know what you know.

So lets get rid of everything but the two components.. ok we can add a third.

 1. A list of all the things you need to know and be competent for different fields.

 2. A mentor that might point you in the direction and flow of your research as you discover and do activities that will make you more knowledgeable. Watch videos, do tutorials online, talk with your mentor about your questions.

3. And then validating that you know what you know… HOWEVER you acquired it. 

This is the ultimate use of an Institution of higher learning. Putting a stamp of approval on those that do know something.

But instead it has turned out that the only thing that is available is.. did you PAY and exorbitant amount of money and endure the totally antiquated slow almost non-usable dribble for four plus years.

When you could have learned six times faster on the job….but if you did that you don’t have that piece of paper which allows HR people to narrow the candidate pool of applicants quickly so they don’t have to think.

At least the first half of this video below gives you something to think about. Maybe a little hype there but it has some valid points… Made back in 2005 and it hasn’t changed much. sigh

https://topdocumentaryfilms.com/college-conspiracy/