Category: Interpersonal Relationships

Male and Female Relationships online and off

Flip Side of Immersive Extremes

On By Pamala CliftIn Interpersonal RelationshipsLeave a comment

… Are You Too engaged?

I have written often on the Engagement Level called Disassociative and how they can be perceived as the bad guys, and i have talked about Immersion as good for education and for those socially isolated but…

It is not like immersion doesn’t come with risks, not only for your own heart, but immersion to the extreme is dangerous even for others.

This article was brought to my attention. click here  

It is about a Second Life gaming couple with a young child who were so immersed in the validation of their virtual life that Real Life obligations were considered interruptions and detested, so much so they starved their child near death and they still didn’t care.  

This is because what brought them satisfaction was the validation of themselves in a fun positive way vs the failures real life had left them due to looks, lack of intellect, handicap or opportunities.

How do you fix something like this? You can’t fix opportunities for everyone, or handicaps. Could we put time limits on known immersives to help them balance?

Immersion and balance is the hardest of combinations but balance is the goal. To live in a virtual world gives you freedoms the biological may never know, but the biological avatar needs substance.

With technology leaping forward exponentially and the titillating new things that are coming out to stimulate, this problem is only going to get worse, not better. We need to start really thinking about limitations for all of us.

The intelligent are certainly not immune to technology overdosing, and our children are blinded and without teachers to learn any technological balance.

Here is one brilliant persons framing attempt that seems to have promise.click here 

Here are some other suggestions.

  • Get out of the house at least once a week for something fun in-real.
  • Mix your calendar with both Real and Virtual events and try to make the actual hours balance. If you don’t have a full time job, make laundry, house cleaning, music listening part of the appointments in your calendar.
  • Eat AWAY from your virtual interactions. In other words, actually come out and say, “I have to go to dinner now.” not just brb as you grab junk food.
  • Find one topic of interest that requires you to spend time away for research or skill development. (Play an instrument, create a scrapbook of virtual pictures…anything that removes the screen burn out from your eyeballs… lol)

If you find that you cannot talk to real people without interjecting your virtual experiences, you should question your balance…OR take my job.

Enjoy the journey. Hugs, Pam

Love Online or Horror Movie?

On By Pamala CliftIn Interpersonal RelationshipsLeave a comment

Now that I’m on a few dating sites, I’m afraid I’m analyzing everything said to me. This is/is-not a good profession to be in if you are considering really looking. *smile*

Is the person talking to me the person represented online? Or an imagined preconceived scripted person of their hearts desire? What hidden agenda is really going on.

One first contact with a guy insisted that you better have sex on the first date or there would be no second date. 

Yep, you guessed it. There was no FIRST date. That really isn’t a hidden agenda and easy to dismiss even when he thought harassment and name calling would make him a more desirable contact? lol 

Then I hear stories shared with me that a guy adopts another person’s identity so much so that they pass a detective investigation. That poor gal got a child out of the deal.  I can only imagine the horrors she felt with such a long term premeditated deception continually haunting her.

You get those who instantly want you to share your phone number. NOT a good idea. 

Oh? And is there something special about Yahoo Messenger for the foreigners? Seems everyone who is not what they claim are from a foreign country and wants to talk to you on Yahoo.

If the profile you see has fluid English writing but the text message is full of errors and awkward sentences, there is your answer. 

I asked one guy who wanted me to talk with him on Yahoo, if he had Skype? NO….

“Ok, Do you have a Facebook page?” No to that too. 

So what do you do? Well he works for this company and travels the world selling precious metals. “OK, what is your company’s website?” There isn’t any. 

“…and you have no picture up on this site why?” 

Well I am new on computers I don’t know how to do it, but if you will go to Yahoo I can send you a picture.”

Ok, doesn’t know internet, Skype, Facebook, or have any external validation whatsoever but is familiar enough with computers to do Yahoo and when I pointed out his lack of believe-ability he used the internet acronym of “brb”. That’s when I laughed out loud and disconnected. I suppose he had to ask the advice of his supervisor?

These can be the easy to dismiss ones if you’re not in NEEDY mode, but it is extremely hard for those desperately seeking companionship to not keep hoping and taking the bait.

This is one of the reasons that I think virtual world dating is a far more stable platform. It allows engagement and interaction and at least enough time for sifting of realities to occur.

However, if you are in desperate mode, one medium will under mind you as well as another.

So my constant, most unwavering response to everyone is. “Be happy with yourself alone, before you seek to connect with another.”  But since this is the month of Hallows Eve… if you really want the “SH_T” scared out of you, don’t go to the movies, head to an online dating site. *smile

Enjoy the journey, Hugs… Pam

Over Easy with Opinions

On By Pamala CliftIn Interpersonal Relationships, SocietyLeave a comment

With the different types of engagers (immersives and disassociatives) it is sometimes hard to present your opinions. Do you address your comments to those who like the extremes for a giggle, or present a level more boring presentation.

In marketing, apparently the advice is to “Make IT Memorable” in whatever way you can…good or bad. Just be known! They would have you strip and do something “OMG” memorable to get attention, which would allow you coverage in newspapers, magazines, radio and tv to get your true point across. Believe me sometimes I do ponder about doing just that. (Not the strip part, but something? *smile*)

I have a hard time not taking it as a personal affront when someone online is hurt and has never had a chance to view the State of Being construct. How can I get this available? The construct seems to help throw a few pillows down for the falls from extremes presented and experienced online, but not fast enough? We are way too digitized.

When you express your opinions, online or off, a constructive pre-thought would be “Am I talking to an immersive?” Will they take your comment to heart? 

I am the last one to claim I never put my foot in my mouth. I am happy to share with you my thoughts and even debate your perceptions in an engaging dialog… but if I am talking to an immersive who sees their opinions as a component of themselves, then the point “I” thought I was debating is not just “the point of the discussion” it is their arm, leg, or vital body organ. Their identity of “who they are” is directly under attack with the challenge of the thought they presented. 

This happens in real life or virtual life. This happens with love, business and education. 

Sometimes I just don’t care that you think you are all that and a bag of chips or you have money, or degrees; if what you say does not make functional sense, I will debate it. That has gotten me into lots of trouble with those self-appointed Gods that claim to be over-me in some capacity, so I am lecturing myself here as well and I could use some input.

How do you disengage from an immersive who feels they are personally under attack with the challenge of an idea? They are in defensive mode. They will not be happy till you agree with them or give them an out. They do not care if they are right or wrong only that the opinion they have expressed,(which they have taken so solidly that it IS a vital organ) be seen as valid. If their point is not conceded, you will be the enemy.

I have a flipping hard time lying. I would much rather be told up front exactly how it is perceived so I can evaluate it fairly but that is not normal apparently?

So my current form of attack on this matter is: Figure out if they are immersive with their thoughts. Stop and consider that first, before you express your opinions. Sometimes that might mean testing the waters with an “over-easy” version?

Cyber Bullying

On By Pamala CliftIn Interpersonal Relationships, SocietyLeave a comment

What hits me first on the news station in my new Florida County?

A 12 year old girl committed suicide because of cyber bullying! I am outraged that emotional trauma is filtering down to even younger ones faster than I can get the words or construct out for dealing with online emotional engagement.

I had to call both the sheriff’s department and the school district to see if I can offer my services.

We have handed the world over to our youth without any tools to deal with their emotional growth for this human/computer interface. We adults are the ones at fault.

This reminds me of my dad throwing me into the deep side of the pool and telling me to swim, but it is even worse. When my dad threw me into the deep side of the pool he stood there laughing and watching me struggle. When we hand our kids total freedom to computers, phones and social media we are throwing them in the deep side of the pool with no one to watch them. We are leaving them alone to sink or swim. They have no tools to deal with what is told them, nor the emotional maturity to contain their feelings that NOW (does not)= Forever.

Text is a very powerful method to get into the psyche of the mind. You will notice that many videos trying to sell you something will show just words. That is because the written word is already IN YOUR head before you get to analyze it. It by-passes things you see in real life that you reject because you have defenses up and therefore do not allow it to affect you.

Trolls and bullies who are taking entertainment from the emotional buy-in of the immersives can not understand the level of pain they are causing. To them it is all just a giggle.

I am panicked and am currently rewriting what was a presentation to inform adults, teachers and administrators into something more entertainingly important for a younger audience. This is where my 17 years as a professional clown may come in handy. I will use my balloon animals and the air we blow into them to equal our engagement levels. How much belief do we buy into something? I am also adding colors to the States of Being, because the words are too large for the young ones.  Now Disassociative will be RED, Immersives will be white, and Augmentatives will be Green.

I don’t know if anyone will call me back to take me up on my offer of assistance, but the urgency to give tools to our young digital citizens is burning inside me. I have to try.

I don’t know if anyone will call me back to take me up on my offer of assistance, but the urgency to give tools to our young digital citizens is burning inside me. I have to try.

I think the offer to share should be there. It is when there is forced proselyting that it poses a problem. (Agree with me or you will go to hell, or I will shoot you in the head) Mostly people just think they know it all and refuse help.

(ps. They didn’t call..:( )

Virtual Relationships-Are We Blind?

On By Pamala CliftIn Interpersonal RelationshipsLeave a comment

If we wanna be…

Are we blind when we communicate and connect online? 

Is the only way to “Really” love visual and tactile?

Does that mean someone blind cannot love? 

Can you only love someone you touch? (That would totally take the romance out of the lyrics – “…to love pure and chaste from afar” Impossible Dream)

We have all heard the saying, “Love at first sight.” Many times those incidents have been documented as life long commitments that work, other times it was a fleeting passion dissolved with the first spoken word.

In my book I do not count anything one-sided as love, but what if it is felt both ways? Is it a relationships then?

For every ONE way of defining love you will get “hit & miss” stories in real or virtual connections, so lets jump right to the philosophical statement – There are no absolutes…Absolutely! *wink*

So are there connections made online that can turn to love? Yes, plain and simple, we cannot rule out possibilities in this irrational human existence.

What is the best method to discern this?

1. First thing to question – Are the complements coming way to fast?

Having someone stroke your ego right off the bat without ever knowing who they are talking to might be a sure way to feel good about yourself but does that constitute a relationship of love or self love?

This is often a tool sales people use who have to pour on the shmaltzy to get people to buy.

Complements given too fast are rubbish.

2. Time: Relationships need time to be labeled true. So an online relationship of 3 hours during the last two weeks would not give you a correct measurement with any level of accuracy.

The higher the intellect on the other end, the harder and longer it will take to discern their true desires. There are professional deceivers among us… umm look at politicians, sales, business, psychics, psychologists …the list goes on and on. We all seem to know how to spin reality to our benefit.

3. As it says in the Virgin’s Handbook you have to know the level of engagement of the other party. Are they engaging with you disassociatively, immersively or augmentatively? Meaning are they looking for entertainment which you are supplying; Immersively engaged with you using their true perceptions and communication; or are they trying to sell you something?

4. Recognize your needs and what story you wish to be a part of and then enjoy it initially as a story. Think first of your interactions as a good book or movie. All books & movies end, so realize that at the start as well. If after sometime of consistent interaction you both feel this is more than a story, well then take safe steps to meet. (I will go into that in another blog post.)

Virtual relationships are no different then real relationships in that everything is up for question as how does the other person truly feel.

So when everything washes out and goes wrong does that mean the method of connection was false or just the perception and communication was at fault?

Be good to yourself and realize hiccups are a part of being human. 

Forgive and learn. 

Don’t turn bitter.

Reflect and respin from the other person’s point of view.

Relationships are difficult. Finding a match, even for a short time is a true quest. Good Luck… and Hugs.

Artistic Differences-

On By Pamala CliftIn Interpersonal Relationships, Philosopher comments on Reality, SocietyLeave a comment

Get it?

Art means somebody is NOT going to GET it! That is just the way of it.

Whether you are looking at modern art or classic renaissance; you’re listening to  hard rock, rap or country music, there will be someone loving it and others hating it.

I remember going to the Smithsonian’s Modern Art Museum with my daughters after we had just spent a couple of hours enjoying the traditional art museum classics. We only spent 15 min walking through this modern museum trying to GET these high profile pieces. If I thought I wasn’t cultured, my daughters out “uncultured” me with their jokes and verbiage. But to tell you the truth I could not stop laughing at thinking that a space of honor was given to a tilted urinal? Obviously we did not GET it. Yes, it might have a cultural meaning of pissing on society, but art should require an effort to convey. Less effort should equal less value. A painted line or box across a large canvas did not take much effort so we could see no value, yet people pay millions.

Why is that?  No, I mean really? Why are we humans on such drastically different frequencies?

When someone puts up their creative talents in Second Life (virtual worlds have an amazing collection of artistic people) either their artwork, photography, poems, or music, I walk around waiting for something to HIT me. Something that comes in on MY channel. I will know it when I see it or hear it, but could not tell you in advance why one grouping of colors or sounds FEELS like me and others do not.

We hear, see and feel things on different channels. The human race is a keyboard of resonating notes. 

When we actually can learn to break down and test that resonating component of the human spirit we might just be able to construct the instrument that will allow us to make harmony from these minor and major cords. That is when we will have peace on earth.

That is when science and art will meet, when those resonating frequencies of our life’s perceptions can be identified like DNA. Is there such a thing? It is obvious that we all respond to something consistently, so it does exist, but what is IT?

I thought I sang in B-flat, someone else labeled my key as D. I know if a song is in the wrong key I sound like an idiot, the right one I will challenge the talent shows. So if there is a right and wrong KEY for everyone, shouldn’t their be a way to test for it?  I believe our human spirit has a frequency and we each are a note in the instrument of life. Now I am looking for the orchestra pit, composer and conductor that can pull from our universal frequencies and get us working together in a planet symphony. Hugs